Hotaru's Plea: A Sailor Moon Moment
by Jennifer Wand
Summary: Hotaru's inner account of her life and the reason she begged the Senshi to save Chibi-Usa and leave her behind in episode 118.


  
Welcome to my second Sailor Moon Moment. This one takes place during  
episode 117 (I think) of S. For those of you who haven't seen it, the  
setup is as follows: In Professor Tomoe's absence, Mimete has gone a  
little overboard with the daemon easy-bake oven. It exploded, and  
resulted in some weird dimensional stuff going on at the Tomoe  
mansion: Look out one window, and you see Antarctica, look out the  
next, and you see an African savannah. There are fishes swimming in  
the chest of drawers (and the clothes are in the fishbowl, Bert!) and  
penguins appear and disappear out of nowhere.  
  
Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were playing cards in Hotaru's room when this  
happened, and suddenly found themselves in the middle of nowhere.  
Their location shifts erratically, so that they never know what  
they'll be standing on next. Unfortunately, when the scene shifted  
once, Chibi-Usa was standing on nothing at all.  
  
She and Hotaru started falling into a canyon, when the Venus Love Me  
Chain saved them. The Sailor Senshi had teleported in and were now  
trying to figure out how to get them out.  
  
One more thing you ought to know: this is before Hotaru knows that she  
is Sailor Saturn, before the awakening of Mistress Nine, but a point  
where both her Saturn powers and the presence of Mistress Nine inside  
of her have started to awaken.  
  
  
  
I translated the dialogue as best I could, but it's not word for word  
accurate. I beg your forgiveness on any small details I might have  
forgotten. Now that the cumbersome background details are through, I  
hereby present:  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
HOTARU'S PLEA  
  
A Sailor Moon Moment  
  
  
  
by Jennifer Wand  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
"We can't teleport out with both Chibi-Usa-chan and Hotaru-chan," the  
blue-haired one said.  
  
  
  
I'm on a grassy hill overlooking a cliff, with Chibi-Usa-chan and- can  
you believe it? the Sailor Senshi. Just a moment ago, I'd been  
hurtling down into an abyss, clutching Chibi-Usa-chan's hand fiercely;  
and moments before that, we'd been trekking together through an Arctic  
wasteland. Was it a nightmare, or just an extension of the oddly  
surreal dream that I lived each day? I felt barely awake and totally  
aware, breathless and steady all at once.  
  
Chibi-Usa-chan is beside me, that much I am sure of. Her pleasant  
warmth radiates through me like a gentle hand holding me upright,  
keeping me from falling limp to the ground. I lean on that, as I have  
from the moment she breezed into my life.  
  
Often, I let my lanterns glow well into the night. As I lie in bed,  
it feels somewhat comforting to have the presence of a myriad guardian  
fireflies, cool beacons glowing safely all around me. My blanket is  
like a coat of fur, and I feel small beneath its velvety folds.  
Familiar panic sets in, and I lie unmoving for hours, refusing to let  
sleep take me. Because when it does, the dreams are far worse than  
any sleepless night.  
  
A wave of destruction, rolling in over red-tinted pavement. A  
glittery pointed staff and crumbling statues. A black star, a pink  
symbol, and red eyes that are the root of all the chaos. Red eyes  
that are mine.  
  
And my daytimes... floating alone through a world I seem somehow  
separated from, as if I am being carried by a glass dome. Mornings  
with sweet but distant Papa and that Kaori-san, whose eyes always make  
me think of something cold and liquid and red. Why do I dislike her  
so? Maybe because ever since she's come to our house, I've felt that  
coolness swimming in Papa's eyes too.  
  
Then school, shadowy strange school, where lessons pour in and out of  
my ears and make no difference at all. Even if I learn a principle of  
mathematics, it doesn't teach me how to subtract from the gazes around  
me. The murmurs, the whispers- where my attempts at friendship always  
bounce off the inside of my fishbowl and ricocheted around that hollow  
shell, their glances are slicker than needles, passing right through  
the glass and into the girl. Pain as real as anything I ever feel.  
  
A breathless walk home and near-collapse on the front porch. Won't  
Papa come to help me up and take me inside? But no, the red claws are  
always Kaori-san's, and she ushers me into the house like she is  
locking me in a prison cell. Am I going up to my room or down to the  
basement? Dark paneled walls seem all the same. My eyelids are  
heavy. Please, not that awful half-dreaming again- but it starts, and  
I feel as if I am a small crystal voice being sat on by a dark and  
hungry shadow. A presence which I realize is coming from me, but  
feels like an alien, an enemy. And just as my crystal shatters itself  
to end that evil reign, I awaken in darkness and find it's time to  
avoid sleep once more.  
  
But now, there's a new lantern in my life. Chibi-Usa-chan calls me  
her friend. Is that possible, that this fragile shadow of a girl can  
have a friend? And her cousin, and all their friends, and the Sailor  
Senshi- some of them, at least- all treat me as if I'm very special.  
I think my life began when Chibi-Usa-chan threw her arms around me in  
the hospital. I was awake, things were in focus, for the first time,  
and I felt like a real girl, with a fresh face and warm feelings. And  
I realized I'd do anything to protect that.  
  
Still, if friendship means sharing, then I can't take like from  
Chibi-Usa-chan's life without her accepting some darkness from mine.  
And I don't want that for her! I've tried to keep the knowledge of  
this sacred friendship from the evil other inside me. But she knows-  
I know she knows- and I am afraid that someday, she will snuff out  
that holy light once and for all. The pure soul- no, I will not even  
think that phrase!- the purity of Chibi-Usa-chan does not deserve to  
be subjected to even the slightest shadow, let alone the penetrating  
blackness enveloping all that is my life.  
  
And even without that other, I feel a power in me that could destroy  
her, and that scares me beyond all thought.  
  
How can I keep my precious friend safe from the hues of black and  
violet that battle one another in my mind? Those colors that even I  
don't yet understand?  
  
It's then that I let the words slip out. And I mean them fervently.  
"Leave me here! Just save Chibi-Usa-chan and leave me here!" Please,  
I add in my mind. You don't know what I have to go back to! I'm  
better off here, in this strange fantasy world, where I can't do any  
harm!  
  
My prayer is answered by a gentle smile. "It's okay, Hotaru-chan,"  
Sailor Moon says, and I feel a fluttering of butterflies that somehow  
remind me of Chibi-Usa-chan's energy. "We're going to save you both.  
Mercury-oneechan here" -and she taps the blue-haired Senshi on the  
shoulder- "will find a way. We'll get you both home, don't worry."  
Her light is staggering, and I feel as though I'm being transformed  
inside. Blue eyes glitter. For a moment I swear the violet in my  
eyes is lit by lavender ripples.  
  
I'm on a grassy hill overlooking a cliff with Chibi-Usa-chan and the  
Sailor Senshi. Just a moment ago, I'd been hurtling down into an  
abyss, but right now, I believe in light. "Thank you," I say.  
  
*fin*  
  



End file.
